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Why Write These Thoughts

Word 1 · The Deaf to the Mute

Whether for good or ill, I have lived my life, travelling a long road fraught with struggles and quarrels, disputes and arguments, suffering and anxiety, and reached these advanced years to find myself at the end of my tether, tired of everything. I have realized the vanity and futility of my labors and the meanness of my existence. What shall I occupy myself with now and how shall I live out the rest of my days? I am puzzled that I can find no answer to this question.

Rule the people? No, the people are ungovernable. Let this burden be shouldered by someone who is willing to contract an incurable malady, or else by an ardent youth with a burning heart. But may Allah spare me this load which is beyond my powers! Shall I multiply the herds? No, I cannot do that. Let the young folk raise livestock if they need them. But I shall not darken the evening of my days by tending livestock to give joy to rogues, thieves and spongers.

Occupy myself with learning? But how shall I engage in scholarship when I have no one to exchange an intelligent word with? And then to whom shall I pass on the knowledge I will have amassed? Whom shall I ask what I do not know myself? What’s the good of sitting on a desolate steppe with an arshin in hand trying to sell cloth? Too much knowledge becomes gall and wormwood that hastens old age if you have no one by your side to share your joys and sorrows.

Choose the path of the Sufi and dedicate myself to the service of religion? No, I’m afraid that won’t do either. This vocation calls for serenity and complete peace of mind. But I have not known peace either in my soul or in my life-and what sort of piety can there be amongst these people, in this land! Educate children, maybe? No, this, too, is beyond my powers. I could instruct children, true, but I don’t know what I should teach them and how.

For what occupation, for what purpose and for what kind of community am I to educate them? How can I instruct them and direct their paths if I don’t see where my pupils could usefully apply their learning? And so here, too, I have been unable to put myself to any good use.

Well, I have decided at length: henceforth, pen and paper shall be my only solace, and I shall set down my thoughts. Should anyone find something useful here, let him copy it down or memorise it. And if no one has any need of my words, they will remain with me anyway.

And now I have no other concern than that.

0 Next Word2. The Cost of False Pride

Explanation

Word 1 · The Deaf to the Mute

Main idea

Late in life, Abai asks how to spend the years he has left. Ruling people, raising herds, scholarship, religion and teaching children all seem closed to him, so he decides to write down his thoughts. This is how the Book of Words begins.

In plain words

  • He admits that his life has gone into quarrels and struggles, and that much of it was futile.
  • He will not rule the people: it is a burden beyond his powers, better left to “an ardent youth with a burning heart”.
  • He will not multiply his herds only to give joy to “rogues, thieves and spongers”.
  • Learning turns bitter when there is no one to share it with.
  • Religion needs peace of mind, which he does not have. Teaching children is no use when he cannot see where they could apply their learning.
  • So he turns to pen and paper: whoever finds something useful may take it, and if not, the words “will remain with me anyway”.

Difficult words

Deaf to the Mute
a talk in which no one hears anyone.
Arshin
an old measure of length, about 71 cm. A scholar with no listeners is like a cloth seller alone on an empty steppe.
Sufi
a Muslim mystic who leaves worldly life to serve God.
Gall and wormwood
something very bitter.

Something to reflect on

Is there something you would keep doing even if no one valued it?

An editorial note, not Abai’s words. Prepared with the help of AI.

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